Domestic abuse
Domestic abuse is not a one-off incident, but an ongoing pattern of behaviour in the relationship. It includes a range of behaviours which, once begun, repeats and often gets worse over time.
Anyone can be a victim regardless of age, gender, ethnicity or sexual orientation.
Coercive and controlling behaviour appears in all domestic abusive relationships to some degree. The video below shows some examples.
Read the definition of Domestic Abuse on GOV.uk
If you relate to anything you have seen on this page please seek support.
If you are worried about your immediate safety please ring the police on 999.
Support available
Asking for help often isn’t easy, but if you think you’re in an abusive relationship, getting in touch with your local support service can be an important first step. They are fully trained and can give you a confidential space to explore your options and make safe decisions.
It’s never too early or late to reach out.
In an emergency
- Silent Solution provides information for when you are calling 999, and unsafe to speak.
- Emergency SMS is a service for deaf, hard of hearing and speech-impaired people in the UK.
In an emergency call the Police on 999 or for non-emergency 101.
Local support
- Andy’s Man Club is a men’s suicide prevention charity, offering free-to-attend peer-to-peer support groups both locally and nationally.
- Clare’s Law is a scheme giving any member of the public the right to ask the police if their partner may pose a risk to them.
- LDASS provides help for women, men and children experiencing domestic abuse in Lincolnshire.
- H.A.Y. Lincolnshire is a family of websites that bring together everything in the local community that boosts wellbeing.
- Lincolnshire Rape Crisis supports people of all genders and ages who live or work in Lincolnshire, who have been affected by any form of sexual violence.
- Mental Health Helplines offers information on Lincolnshire services available for adults and children.
- Migrant Workers Helpline trained advisors are fluent in Polish as well as being experts in providing all the help you need.
- HavenDAS - is a South Lincolnshire charity providing support, advice and safe housing for those experiencing domestic abuse.
- Spring Lodge is a Sexual Assault Referral Centre for children and adults.
District councils
You can contact your local district council to search for housing options.
- Boston Borough Council
- City of Lincoln Council
- East Lindsey District Council
- North Kesteven District Council
- South Kesteven District Council
- South Holland District Council
- West Lindsey District Council
Local family law solicitors
National support
- Childline 0800 1111
- Childrens Society provides information on abusive teenage relationships
- Female Genital Mutilation (FGM)
- Forced Marriage Unit 020 7008 0151
- Galop 0800 999 5428 – offers support for LGBT+ people who have experienced abuse and violence
- Gamcare 0808 8020 133 24/7 helpline for gambling related support
- HourGlass 24hr 0808 8088141 – provides information and support to older people who are at risk of experiencing any form of abuse or neglect
- Jewish Women’s Aid 0808 801 0500 - supporting Jewish women and children affected by domestic abuse & sexual violence
- Karma Navarna 0800 5999 247 – specialist charity for victims and survivors of honour-based abuse
- Mankind 01823 334244
- Men’s Advice Line 0808 1689 111
- National Domestic Abuse Helpline 24hrs (Refuge) 0808 2000 247
- National Stalking Helpline 0808 802 0300
- Non-Fatal Strangulation – provides information for victims of strangulation
- NSPCC
- OPOKA supports women and children in the Polish community by offering services to those experiencing domestic abuse, including health, wellbeing and financial support. Helpline 0300 365 1700 please note this is answered in Polish and is for Polish women only
- Paladin assists high-risk victims of stalking throughout England and Wales
- Rape Crisis 0808 500 2222 – 24hr helpline for those who have been sexually abused
- Respect 0808 802 4040 – support services for those worried about their own abusive behaviours
- Revenge Porn Helpline – 0845 6000 459
- Samaritans 116 123
- Shelter offers information, support and advice for those facing homelessness or experiencing unsafe housing
- Sign Health offers services to improve deaf people’s health and wellbeing
- Southall Black Sisters 020 8571 9595 – provides support for black and minority women experiencing domestic and gender related abuse
- The Traveller Movement a safe pace designed for Gypsy, Roma and Traveller women to get the information and support
- Turn to Us is a charity providing practical help to people who are struggling financially
- Universal Credit
- Vesta Specialist Family Support
- Women’s Aid
Personal safety
- Hollie Guard app turns your phone into a personal safety device, lets you send alerts, create emergency contacts and log journeys for added protection. You can find further information on Hollie Guard in this short video from Lincolnshire Police and Crime Commissioner
- Bright Sky app is an app that provides practical support and information in how to respond to domestic abuse
Out and about
- Ask for ANI is a domestic abuse codeword scheme to help those experiencing abuse access emergency support from a local pharmacy
- Safe Spaces locations provides information on businesses where safe and discreet spaces are available for those who need to contact specialist services
Keeping yourself safe
If you are thinking of leaving you can visit Mankind and Womens Aid to find useful information on how to keep yourself safe when preparing to leave and for once you have left.
If you have no accommodation to go to, and refuge is not suitable, please consider contacting your local District Council for further housing options.
Common domestic abuse myths
There are many myths around what abuse is and why it happens. You can find an overview of these common misconceptions on this video.
How to help others
There is a likelihood that you will know somebody who is experiencing domestic abuse. There are lots of ways you can help, including:
- Listen, try to understand and do not to blame them. Tell them that they are not alone and that there are many others in similar situations.
- Acknowledge that it takes strength to trust someone enough to talk to them about experiencing abuse. Give them time to talk, but don’t push them to go into too much detail if they don’t want to.
- Acknowledge that they are in a frightening and very difficult situation.
- Tell them that no one deserves to be threatened or abused, despite what their abuser has told them. Nothing they can do or say can justify the abuser’s behaviour.
- Allow them to make their own decisions, they have been controlled enough.
- Don’t tell them to leave the relationship if they are not ready. This has to be their decision.
- If they have injuries, encourage them to seek medical advice.
- Encourage them to report the abuse to the police.
- Offer support if they want to access domestic abuse services.
- Encourage them to seek legal advice on matters to ensure they are fully informed of their options.
- Discuss a safety plan.
- Remember to look after yourself during this time as it can have an emotional impact on you and ensure that you do not put yourself into any dangerous situations.
If you're worried about your behaviour and looking for support
Do you worry about how you are treating someone you love?
Relationships can be challenging, and they can make us feel vulnerable. When we are with certain people, our emotions become intense:
- we can get frustrated
- feel jealous
- worry when things aren't working out how we want them to
You might find yourself behaving in ways that hurt or scare the people around you and make you feel bad. Your behaviour may have consequences such as:
- relationship breaking down
- separation and break up
- issues with looking after a child/children
- the police being called out
Domestic abuse can hurt anyone affected, and it is never too late to seek help.
Acknowledging you need help is the first step to making a positive change.
This can feel daunting, but it is a step in the right direction to taking accountability.
Should you make contact with services that can help you to change.
- your call will be confidential.
- you will be treated with respect.
- there will be no judgement.
- you will be listened to.
Domestic abuse is not acceptable and there is never an excuse.
If you worry about your controlling or frightening behaviour, some services can help you to recognise this. They can offer support to make a positive change for your life and others around you.
If you are worried about your own abusive behaviour, please contact Respect 0808 802 4040.
Impact on children
Experiencing domestic abuse with children in the home can add extra complexities and worries for the non-abusive parent. The abuser alone is responsible for their actions.
For children and young people growing up experiencing domestic abuse, this can be the only example of what a relationship looks like, having an impact on the future relationships that they form.
Young people can experience domestic abuse, regardless of gender. This can include sexual, physical, emotional, financial as well as coercive control and harassment.
When children and young people experience domestic abuse, this can lead to them feeling a range of emotions. Some children and young people may feel intense anger which could lead to aggressive behaviour towards parents/carers.
If you are a young person who is struggling with processing your feelings around what you have experienced; or you are a parent/carer who would like further support please consider speaking to the education safeguarding lead or contacting the safeguarding referral line on 01522 782111.
Support for children and young people
- The Mix is the UK's leading support service for young people.
- Healthy Minds provides support for young people in Lincolnshire.
- Childline is available online and on the phone anytime.
- Kooth is an online mental wellbeing community for young people.
- Your Best Friend is a national campaign organised by Safe Lives.
Lincolnshire Domestic Abuse Partnership works alongside the Stay Safe Partnership offering a one-stop shop for preventative education. Delivering resources and workshops, for education provisions in Lincolnshire from early years to college. There is also an area to support parents understand the latest trends and register for parent online sessions.
Advice and support for businesses
An unhealthy and abusive relationship at home, can have significant consequences for employers throughout the country.
Approximately 30,200 people aged 16 to 74 are experiencing domestic abuse per year in Lincolnshire. With 75% of those are being directly abused at work and 54% missing at least three days of work a month.
Employees experiencing domestic abuse are also more likely to find it difficult to concentrate and focus at work, and have a hard time progressing within their role.
1 in 5 said they would stop going into work or take days off.
1 in 10 have quit their job due to the impact of the abuse they were experiencing.
The cost of domestic abuse to businesses, is estimated at £19 billion a year due to:
- decreased productivity
- time off work
- lost wages
- sick pay
Identifying domestic abuse is part of a business’s safeguarding duty of care, under the Health and Safety at Work Act 1974.
It can have an adverse impact on staff morale, as well as a business’s image and reputation.
We want to establish links with businesses in the county to help you support staff affected by domestic abuse.
Our support for businesses
Business engagement is a national response for employers to have a consistent approach in understanding and supporting those in work that may disclose domestic abuse.
In Lincolnshire, business engagement is key to identifying and offering appropriate support to those experiencing domestic abuse.
The support is free and can help your workforce to improve their mental health, wellbeing and safety.
This engagement will give your business the confidence to:
- enhance your workforce with the understanding of domestic abuse
- improve your response to domestic abuse disclosures
- build confidence to signpost your workforce to support services
- improve the wellbeing of your employees who are experiencing domestic abuse
- allow employers to respond effectively to disclosures
- raise awareness within the wider community
- allow for safe spaces within work premises
- support with the disruption of perpetrators
We offer businesses the choice of three packages.
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Silver
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Gold
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Certificates will be provided on completion of your chosen package and will remain live for a year.
You have the option to renew your status each year, or change to another package. This will allow us to have continuous engagement with you.
Sign up to our business engagement offer
If you are interested in the work we have already carried out view our Community safety and emergencies privacy notice.
You can also find national resources at:
- National toolkit at the Employers' Initiative on Domestic Abuse.
- Domestic abuse toolkit for businesses at Vodafone.
Free workshops for businesses
We offer online workshops for businesses, to help support employee well-being, safeguarding and upskill domestic abuse champions.
The workshops are aimed to improve the skills and knowledge of the business on each topic area so they can then recognise if an employee is impacted by the subject discussed at the workshops and feel confident about the next steps.
Businesses will learn what support services are available in Lincolnshire and nationally.
The workshops will cover the following topics:
- adult safeguarding
- child safeguarding
- mental health
- domestic abuse
- drug and alcohol issues
These take place online for one hour, on a Tuesday at 9.30am periodically throughout the year.
The first being held on 19 November at 9.30am - ‘Adult Safeguarding within the work place’ is available to book by Microsoft Teams.